How to Live With a Roommate
Co-habitation is tough. Read on for advice on making it a little easier.
It's not easy to live with a roommate, especially if this is your first time co-habitating with someone outside your family. Having a roommate is like having a relationship — it takes effort to make it work. If you're at a loss on how to live with your roomie, here's some advice to help make your experience more bearable.
Establish Expectations
Early into your roommate relationship, you'll have to determine together what your expectations are. This includes rent, utilities, chores, visitors (overnight or otherwise), privacy, and so on. You'll want to reach an agreement early, before dishes start piling up in the sink or your roomie throws a party the night prior to a big exam. The key to this is communication. There must be a dialogue between you, predicated on respect and honesty. Sharing your feelings can be tough, but openness and vulnerability will (hopefully!) let you connect with your roommate on an equal level. Ask your roommate to share their own expectations, and codify them as best you can. You may even want to draft a roommate agreement: there are lots of templates online.
Strengthen Your Empathy Muscles
Remember that your roommate is, first and foremost, a human being just like you. They probably don't want pain and discomfort in their life any more than you do in yours. This may seem self-explanatory, but adopting a radically empathetic stance, even in trying moments, will help you see your roommate's perspective and understand their position. You may be surprised what you learn! Empathy is a skill, not an inherent talent, which can be practiced in your daily life. You can work on becoming a more empathetic person by looking beyond your initial, snap judgments and actively listening to others.
Get Help If and When You Need It
If you're living in residence, this ought to be an easy one. You'll have a Residence Assistant (RA) in charge of your floor, who you can approach as a mediator to help you resolve disputes. Their job is to help you have a fulfilling, productive time in residence, so if you're having trouble with your roomie, reach out to your RA. If you're living off-campus, this can be trickier. You may want to bring in a neutral, level-headed friend to act as arbitrator. This should be someone both you and your roommate trust and respect. Sometimes a fresh perspective is all you need to see your grievances in a new light.
Many people live with roommates far beyond their post-secondary years. When you're feeling challenged by your roomie, remember, this is a learning experience. You'll notice all sorts of habits in yourself you were never aware of, and you'll be exposed to one small fraction of the astonishing breadth of human behaviour. So in that sense, you're lucky to be sharing your home! You may even make a life-long friend.